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Confessions of a Meditator

by Heather Antonissen

One often hears that meditation is an important compliment to yoga, but many are unsure of its purpose or how to do it.

I have a confession to make. When I first encountered the concepts of meditating and mindfulness, I was a little pessimistic. It was while reading "The Miracle of Mindfulness" by Thich Nhat Hahn (amazon.com's listing), who talked about being present and aware with each action and moment: when eating an orange, eat the orange; wash the dishes to wash the dishes. This made no sense to me and frankly sounded a little boring. It seemed as if one was never to get too excited about anything. Personally, I rather enjoyed feeling. Yes, it was difficult having such highs and lows, but at least I felt alive. I would rather feel, despite the struggle, than keep myself so calm and steady that I didn't feel much of anything.

A couple of years later, I discovered yoga. I was going through a lot of difficulties personally and found it a great tool to help deal with the stress and emotional upheavals of my life. Through yoga, I slowly became aware of how my thoughts and reactions were exacerbating the situations. I began to release muscles that were tensed; I became aware of how my body responded in emotional situations; I became aware of what was causing those emotional reactions; and I began to develop the ability to choose my responses instead of reacting out of habit. I was becoming aware, centered, grounded; and, oddly enough, I was feeling more and was more in touch with my emotions than ever before.

I became hungry for more and began to read, talk with teachers and intensify my practice. As I researched and learned, the concept of meditation kept arising, and with it, a desire to try it. My first attempt at meditation was a commitment of a certain number of days. I didn't have much to go on - no techniques, no clear objectives - but I thought it important to try. The sessions were fine, but I definitely did not unlock any great mysteries. Sometimes my thoughts were very quiet and still, and other times, I just sat and thought for twenty minutes.

My period of time ended and soon life took over, and my meditation practice was put on hold. Yet a few months later, I stumbled across a meditation center where I was given a few techniques for meditating. No earth shattering connection to a higher consciousness blessed me that night, but it spoke to something inside. I began to take a few more classes, explored on my own and soon was hooked.

Oddly enough, the very issues I had about being mindful soon proved to be totally inaccurate. The phrases I had heard in regard to meditation such as detachment, contemplation of nothingness, dissolving one's boundaries and being calm and steady didn't sound like one would really experience much. But in fact, the opposite was true. By meditating, I was able to handle more and more intense experiences, without getting caught up in and attaching to the experience-either by holding on wanting to make it last, or by fighting it, wanting it to hurry up and pass.

I came to compare it to a ship at sea: when one's center or anchor is light and not well grounded, it is easy to become caught up in the storms of life, the highs and lows; but when the anchor is solid and steady, then one can ride and experience the waves of life without getting caught up in their heights/depths and intensities.

Another jewel of meditation I discovered was clarity. By observing my breath, my thoughts and sensations that arose, I was able to understand their source and in turn, deal with the actual issues rather than the problems they brought up. Just like a radio tuner that is able to pick up a specific frequency, so too did meditation enable me to quiet noise and static which hindered my ability to listen and understand what my mind and body were telling me.

There is no magic trick or specific goal with meditating and this can make it intimidating; it's just being still and listening. Just as one focuses and listens to the thoughts and body in yoga, so one quiets and observes the thoughts and body in meditation. Also, just as there are many types of yoga, there are different meditation techniques: chanting, movement, mantras, counting, repeating phrases. There are different techniques for different individuals and even different days. They are tools to assist in the journey of becoming aware and mindful.

Classes are a fine way to become introduced to this important aspect of yoga. There are several meditation classes at YiY (Sundays 6-7pm and Tuesdays 9-10pm, see schedule), and they are a good place to ask questions, find support with other practitioners and to learn skills to empower your practice. It is a perfect complement to one's yoga practice, enabling the release of attachments, the awareness of thoughts and actions and the ability to learn to be truly present in one's experience. With mindfulness, we experience more since we are with the experience. As I have come to discover, by being present and mindful, one truly lives.

Heather Antonissen, February 2002

Write to Heather at heather@yogaisyouth.com

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