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Community -> Articles -> The Super-ego really isn't so super
The Super-ego really isn't so super
by Heather Antonissen
Many of us are caught in an endless cycle of trying to be something
we are not. Read this month's article on how to become aware of this pattern
and how to begin to break free from the ego.
My ego has taken some rather sound beatings over the past couple of years:
a steady stream of rejection notices from auditions keep flowing through
my mailbox, small satisfactions in my accomplishments have splattered
back in my face as others brush by with their amazing ability and talent,
and long held convictions have fallen apart under the revealing blade
of Love.
Oddly enough, as difficult as all this has been, I am actually grateful
for these experiences and have come to welcome those opportunities for
my ego to get a good squashing. As I become more aware of my ego, I realize
that it is the root of a lot of my suffering. If there was ever maya--or
illusion--my ego is the perfect example. It makes me think I am something
I am not; it comforts me with its promises then leaves me hanging when
I really need support; it makes me manipulate my true being in order to
try and maintain some image. How long have I lived my life without breathing
just so I could keep my stomach flat? How long have I not spoken up or
stood my ground because I was afraid of being contrary or disruptive?
How long have I lived in fear of God-always running around trying to please
him/her instead of just being still and really listening and experiencing
that divine love?
Slowly, I am recognizing when this ego of mine begins to assert itself.
As I learn to observe my thoughts, I realize that concerns of how I am
perceived or thoughts of trying to please or impress are signs that I
am getting out of that grounded place of being and getting lost in the
whirlwind of thought. It is true these thoughts can be comforting. We
all have these wonderful scenarios where we are respected and admired,
where we garner attention and praise through our intellect or accomplishment,
where we gain affirmation through our wit or appearance. Yet sooner or
later our hopes or expectations aren't met, and we are left broken and
hurting.
Why do we desire these things? What are we really wanting? Do these compliments,
achievements and honors really satisfy us? Once we have received that
praise are we content, or does it only drive us on in the pursuit of more?
An endless cycle thus manifests from this constant seeking through external
sources to fulfill an inner need.
As I have thought about this, my conclusion is that all this seeking is
really a pursuit of true love and acceptance. As we grew up, most of us
received complete acceptance and love from our parents: we cried and we
were held; we did something cute and we were praised. Thus, our perceptions
of love and acceptance came to be based on a you/me relationship. If I
do this thing, I will get this admiration. If I look this way, I will
get this attention. If I behave this way, I will be perceived as this
type of person…and all this admiration, praise and attention means
that I am worthy and that I am loved.
Of course, this love is conditional being based on a certain criteria-whether
or not we are aware of it-and thus there is a sense of it being incomplete.
So we look for more and we lock ourselves into a pattern of acting a certain
way in an attempt to please others to get what we really want-true acceptance
and love.
Becoming aware of this cycle is difficult. In order to become aware of
this false image, one must realize how it actually hinders the fulfillment
of our true desire. This happens through having our image shattered, to
have the ideas about who we are and how we are perceived broken. It is
difficult to let go. Our ego has served us well but it is now dead weight
and it keeps us from experiencing that which we all fundamentally want.
This is not to say that who and what we think we are and how we want to
be are wrong or bad. It's that we spend so much energy on trying to be
something and that so many of our actions are hindered with the desire
to get something that our minds and hearts become clouded and busy. In
addition, we are often not really aware of what we truly need and want;
we are only cognizant of what we have been taught to need or want. It
is in this busy-ness and wanting that we lose our grounding and presence.
Instead of being in the now, we live in a creation of the mind, a fantasy,
an illusion. We resist what is and attempt to be something we are not
which results in tension and suffering.
When the ego is released however, there is greatness. A sense of groundedness
and being is left. One is present and accepting of what is and in that
acceptance and being with what is, one experiences that fulfilling love
we truly desire. Rich creativity, wisdom and intelligence are allowed
to manifest and flow when the ego is laid down. The incessant chatter
of the ego and it's concerns of how it is perceived or what another thinks
of it is stilled and the mind is cleansed, allowing room for new ideas
and awareness. There is peace, openness and divine love.
This releasing of the ego can be practiced on the yoga mat. Each pose
should have a quality of surrender to it, going deeply enough into the
pose so that the stretch and/or strength is truly experienced, then surrendering
to it. We can also practice letting go of our desire to be other than
where we are - whether that is a desire of where we see ourselves or in
comparison to another individual. We can watch the thoughts and observe
whether a desire to be praised or noticed come up. We can notice if there
are judgments of being better or worse than another. Anytime there is
hope or fear, of approval or rejection, judgments of how things should
or should not be done are signals that the ego is taking control.
As we become more grounded, we recognize true sources of fulfillment and
acceptance, and the ego is more easily laid to rest. The mind quiets,
we become more present and more aware. The sense of peace and openness,
of not having to defend an image, the connection to that source that runs
through every living thing become the true sources of happiness and vitality
and strength. They aren't up in the mind, they are deep in the body. By
connecting to that inner state, we are able to stay more grounded and
not get caught up in the highs and lows, the drama, the false conceptions,
thus the sufferings of the ego.
Heather Antonissen, June 2002
Write to Heather at heather@yogaisyouth.com
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