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Desire is a Funny Thing

by Heather Antonissen

Desire is a funny thing. On the one hand, it gives guidance and motivation to focus one's efforts in pursuing a particular goal. For example, desires for financial security, physical health or learning guide one's decisions to work, exercise and pursue hobbies. Yet on the other hand, these very same desires are often the principle cause of suffering, which is the Second Noble Truth in Buddhism. It is quite a conundrum, especially for me.

I have some pretty big dreams. The pursuit of those dreams has taken me on quite an adventure, and not all of it has been exactly pleasant. Pursuing those dreams have forced me to face my greatest fears, to push beyond my reach, to learn how to let go and be; yet in return, I have grown in ways I never would have imagined and have found an amazing richness and depth that I would never trade.

But sometimes my desires just about kill me. I can get so attached and focused on them. I know what I love, what I need to do and I go for it. Sometimes, I achieve my aim and the exhilaration is magical. But generally, things do not go the way I planned; and I end up disappointed, disillusioned and hurt. Of course, this is not what I want, so I try and fix or change the situation as quickly as possible so that I can achieve my goal and therefore, be happy.

Unfortunately, this very cycle of "wanting" what we desire and "resisting" what we do not desire is exactly what creates suffering. Each moment becomes an attachment to an impermanent situation, a fear of losing what we have, or a resistance to something we do not like. We try and control that which is beyond our control. We fight what is and desire what isn't. We suffer.

What is underneath all this struggling and resistance is the fundamental desire to be happy. Unfortunately, we get confused in how to obtain this. It makes perfect sense that if something is pleasing, we would try and get more of that; and if something hurts us, we would move away from that. The clinging to desire comes from our experience that short-term satisfaction comes from fulfilling a desire. We ignore the fact that satisfying our desires doesn't bring an end to them. We attach to impermanent phenomenon hoping that it will stay, and when it doesn't, we suffer. So we get caught in a cycle of desire, attainment, dissatisfaction, which ultimately leads to more desire.

To be free of suffering is to be free of attachment to the desire: in another word, acceptance. To be with what is, right now, without judgments or interpretations. By releasing ourselves from attachment to external circumstances in order to provide our internal fulfillment, we can then find peace and happiness. As said by a dear friend: if you were sitting in the center of a dark prison cell, not touching the walls, and unaware of their presence, would you feel imprisoned? No. It's only when you try to go out that you feel this way. So we can find a place of peace in all our circumstances by stillness of mind. Then our activities (and only then) are free from tension, stress and the like. In turn, we bring peace to those around us by our peace. This is success in every moment…each of which is the only one.

By learning to be at peace and accept this very moment with whatever is occurring, it is then that we are fulfilled. When we learn to find that deep sense of stillness regardless of the situation that we are currently in, then we are truly free. The desire then does not control us, it guides us. It becomes a journey and not a destination.

Our yoga mat is a wonderful place to explore our relationship with our desires. It is there that we can observe whether our desires guide us or bind us. For example, as we work toward getting our nose to our shin in forward bend, we can fight any resistance in our hamstrings with force and improper alignment, just to achieve our aim. Or, we can meet each point of resistance in our muscles with awareness and acceptance, working through each edge with deep breath and patience.

We may never achieve our goal-whether it be on the yoga mat or off; but when we realize that it truly has no bearing on our fundamental state of happiness, we realize that the goal is not the key, but rather each moment along the journey that provides our peace. It does not mean that we will attain all that we desire after we have learned to let go; but we will be at peace in this moment, radiant and free and happy--which is what we all really desire after all.

Heather Antonissen, July 2002

Write to Heather at heather@yogaisyouth.com

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