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Community -> Articles -> Being Busy Being Slow Being Busy Being SlowSlow down you move to fast. Got to let the moment last… After a lifetime of living at breakneck speed, I’m beginning to learn how to slow down…a little. My normal tendency was to give 110% to everything I endeavored. Of course, with that came periods of burnout. I loved everything I was doing yet was in a constant state of stress—this paper was due, this music had to be learned, this project had to be completed. I was used to having twenty things going on at once, and generally I handled it pretty well. But I often over extended myself and would go through really low periods until my batteries recharged enough for me to take off again at full steam. I was caught in a very draining cycle, but I didn’t know what I could cut out to allow myself more time. Last year in particular was exceedingly difficult. My relationship was going through a very difficult time, my company was running out of money, and I had no idea if I was going to suddenly wake up without a job. Plus, my heart’s desire to have a career in singing was not going anywhere despite vast amounts of time and energy being invested in it. In addition, there were several deaths in my family. My whole life was in chaos. I came to the point where I just couldn’t do it anymore; I didn’t have anything left to give. I realized that the way I had been living life wasn’t getting me to where I wanted to be. My workouts were exhausting me and not affecting my body; I was constantly working and accomplishing, but my to-do list never got smaller; I rarely felt like I was even able to laugh or have fun because so much was on my mind and heart. I started looking at myself and examining what I was doing, how I was reacting to things and what kind of effect it was all having. I started to recognize how certain thoughts and activities were draining me, and I started to let go of them. I became aware of what it was like to move through life in a relaxed and open way, and I began to say no to things that disturbed that peace. I set aside time to be still so that I could become more familiar with that way of being and chose activities that cultivated that state of existence. Slowly, my life became calmer, cleaner, more peaceful and rich. I was learning how to be and not just do. So things are slower now, and I am trying to be with that. I don’t have twenty thousand things going on. There isn’t an unrelenting level of stress in my life. There are no major life situations to deal with. I work, I practice singing, I do yoga, I spend time with my friends. Things are busy, but fairly quiet. Yet oddly enough, this is really hard for me! Having lived a life of
going and doing and racing along at breakneck speeds, it is hard for me
to keep coming back to stillness. I find myself falling back into old
habits. Those intense situations, though difficult, forced me to focus
and reminded me to keep breathing, to keep opening up, to just be with
the situation. But now, there is very little that snaps me back to the
moment. Things are comfortable, even fun; and as I relax and putter about
my day, my mind wants to fall back into those old and deeply engrained
ways. It wants to create drama over everyday events; it wants to daydream
about possibilities; it wants to over-analyze situations. I used to be
so quick to recognize my mind wandering. Now I find that I have been daydreaming
for a good long while before I realize that I haven’t been paying
attention to this moment. Even worse, sometimes when I become aware of
my mind running around, I really don’t want to come back to this
moment. Having a rather creative and vivid imagination, sometimes it’s
more difficult to come back to this reality and truly experience it than
to stay with my fantasy which can be rather entertaining or comforting
despite the fact that it is illusion… However, once again, yoga comes to the rescue! My teacher in class the other day kept saying: “Keep showing up. Don’t try and force it. The more you keep coming to this moment, the more often you will be in this moment.” That is what yoga is. Just being with this moment. Your body may not be behaving the want you want it to or the mind may be raging out of control, but all we have to do (and should be doing) is just observing and being with that. True awareness is just observing what is occurring right now without judging or controlling or resisting. Once we accept the moment, then we can begin to deal with it, guide it, learn from it. So, after a lifetime of running and stress and busy-ness, of spiritual mountains and valleys, I am now walking a pleasant plateau with time to practice being still and to let these concepts sink further into my being. I have the opportunity to choose breath and consciousness each moment without the pressure of the world on my shoulders. I am not trying to prove or force or control. It is a new realm for me to explore and learn. I am just opening my arms, welcoming this new experience and continuing on my journey…
Heather Antonissen, August 2002 Write to Heather at heather@yogaisyouth.com Subscribe to our regular email newsletter to receive notice of new article updates. |