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Ah, Beginnings
Ah, Beginnings: a time of anticipation, excitement, motivation
and enthusiasm. Here we are at the beginning of the New Year full
of resolutions to get in shape, to save more money, to make more
time for our family or to do more yoga. We are full of newness,
potential and brightness. The world is open to us, there are unlimited
possibilities, everything is new and exciting; yet our focus is
on achieving our goal, mastering our path, getting to the end.
Think back to being a child and how we couldn’t wait till
we were older so we could drive, be an astronaut or a famous dancer.
We began college and looked forward to getting our degree, getting
a job and making a name for ourselves; we dreamed of having an impact
in the world. Then we started a relationship and were full of hope
and promise for the future. We began a new job and set out to impress
our bosses, looking for promotion, recognition and achievement.
We were full of hope and excitement at the thought of fulfilling
our dreams, of getting to the end.
I remember when I started yoga. My first experiences were with
videos that were interesting but had little engagement for me physically
and that had little explanation of the yoga philosophy for engagement
mentally. Then I encountered a book full of yogis standing on their
heads, balancing on their arms and grabbing their ankles in tight
backbends. I jumped at the challenge of mastering these positions.
I attended an ashtanga class and was blown away with the intensity
of the class. I fell in love with yoga and delved into the practice.
I worked hard to master the poses, to get to the next level. I loved
the challenge of the asanas, and the challenge of understanding
and focusing the mind was an even greater thrill.
A while ago, I began attending Bikram yoga. I had attended a few
classes before, but hadn’t practiced the tradition in a consistent
manner. After practicing the ashtanga style of yoga for some time,
coming to a tradition where I wasn’t as competent was a new
experience. A strong part of me wanted to jump in and master the
advanced poses, but another part of me saw an opportunity to stay
in beginner mode. The teacher kept saying, “you get all the
benefits from the beginning stages as you do in the advanced posture.
Be with where you’re at with full awareness and you will get
what you need.” It was so liberating for me to release myself
from the pressure of achieving a goal and to instead delve into
the foundation of the pose. My muscles were burning, my mind was
completely focused and yet there was peace and movement as I explored
that moment.
As I’ve come back to the ashtanga tradition, I’ve noticed
that my attitude has shifted in my approach to my practice, something
has lifted in my intention. There is a sense of playfulness and
exploration in my poses that I don’t remember being there
before. Some of the poses I do really well and others I just stink
at, and yet neither one really matters anymore. There had been something
in my mentality of trying to become an advanced practitioner that
closed down part of the experience. As I have come back to being
a beginner, there is no right or wrong or better or worse; each
moment is an experiment and experience.
There is a classic book called Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind
by Shunryu Suzuki that speaks to this same issue. “In the
beginner’s mind there are many possibilities. In the expert’s
mind there are few.” By coming back to the beginning, we capture
the attitude of the dawn: we are awakened to everything in each
moment with its limitless possibilities. In a lecture on the Beginner’s
Mind, the Abbess Zenkei Blanche Hartman said, “We all want
to be the one who knows. But if we decide we ‘know’
something, we are not open to other possibilities anymore. And that's
a shame. We lose something very vital in our life when it's more
important to us to be ‘one who knows’ than it is to
be awake to what's happening. As an expert, you've already got it
figured out, so you don't need to pay attention to what's happening.
Pity.”
This process of being filled with desire and motivation to learn
and master is an important part of development; yet being a true
master requires letting go of the achievement and being with the
knowing of the moment. As we begin each endeavor, we must remember
that knowledge is not an end in itself, but merely means to an even
greater understanding. As T.S. Elliot said in his Four Quartets:
“We shall not cease from exploration / And the end of all
our exploring / Will be to arrive at where we started / And know
the place for the first time.”
This moment is all there is—whether we label it a beginning,
a middle or end. Yet our attitude and perception shape and influence
each moment. As we bring awareness to our beginnings, we can notice
the excitement and novelty and remember it as we continue our journey.
We can keep this openness of mind to many possibilities and the
exploration of the heart to limitless outcomes with us, whether
we are on our yoga mat, in our relationships or in our thoughts.
Each moment is special and rich and a beginning….
Read the “Beginner’s Mind” by Shunryu Suzuki at
http://hjem.get2net.dk/civet-cat/poetry-stories/beginners-mind.htm
Heather Antonissen, January 2003
You can write to Heather at heather@yogaisyouth.com
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