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Dealing with Disappointment
Dealing with disappointment can be very difficult.
Sure we know that disappointment comes from an attachment to an
unmet expectation and that it may prove to be a great growing experience;
but when the emotional wind has just been knocked out of you, or
the proverbial rug yanking has landed you harshly on your tailbone,
it can be hard to deal with disappointment.
There are so many facets of disappointment that it’s
sometimes hard to know exactly what one is feeling. Sometimes the
disappointment comes from a singular experience that stings but
is easily dealt with. Other times, it taps into a fundamental fear
or pattern that seems to grow with each additional failure, however
slight or inconsequential. One disappointment may trigger another,
deeper sense of rejection and fear. It can lead to states of helplessness,
anger, loneliness or feeling out of control. It’s not a very
fun place to be.
As we do our yoga and meditation practice, we begin
to see how we set ourselves up for disappointment. We begin to see
how we set up expectations for a particular outcome or response
and become disappointed when those expectations aren’t met.
We start to recognize when we are approaching life from an idealized
vision of how things should be as opposed to accepting what is.
We notice when we try to force our desires into becoming our experience
instead of allowing life to progress as it will.
Yet there are times we forget that we are setting ourselves
up. We unconsciously go back to old ways of responding and then
find ourselves hurt and confused--not to mention frustrated that
we find ourselves suffering again. It can be especially annoying
since after our daily practice, we supposedly have all the tools
to avoid getting ourselves into this mess in the first place! We
struggle with moving toward our goals, trying to affect change without
getting caught up in the vision itself. We try to apply our practice
to our life, staying with the moment rather than attaching to the
past or future. We do all the right things, yet sometimes we slip
and fail and find ourselves in pain.
Yet this is exactly when our practice is most needed
and most useful. This is the moment when we can engage our power
of awareness to recognize these patterns and to choose to respond
differently. This is the opportunity to use the understanding we
have gained from our practice and experience as wisdom and truth.
It is the pain from disappointment that can bring our attention
into this moment and provide us with the opportunity to change.
We move from the effort of trying and doing, to the flow of existing
and being.
This pain is perhaps the greatest tool for navigating
these troubled waters—it brings our awareness back to this
moment. Forgetting this moment by focusing on what has passed or
by worrying about the future is what has gotten us here, and remembering
that this moment is really all that is is what will bring us back.
When we remember to loosen our grip and take a deep breath, we slowly
let loose the pain of the unmet dream. When we come back to this
moment, we can relinquish the fear of not having our desire fulfilled.
When we recognize our conditioned patterns of response, we can begin
to choose a different way of existing.
All that you need is in the now. You may not have the
answers you seek. You may not have the experience you desire. But
within this moment, is the power of divine love, ready to heal and
guide when you quiet your mind and listen. Within this moment, is
the strength and peace to be with sadness and know that it can open
your eyes to new and wonderful things. Within this moment, is everything.
And when we learn to live only within this moment, we will discover
that we can, and do, create everything, living in peace, dealing
with disappointment…from this moment.
Decepción (Disappointment)
I knew that you would come,
And you are here.
Not as I expected,
And not as I had hoped.
I do not mind your presence,
But your being causes me to recognize
How much has been asleep
And is now longing to awake
And stretch and run.
But the door has not yet opened.
Despite the view through the glass,
And how deep the desire to follow,
I find no way to get to where my heart longs to be.
And though I know you to be good,
I feel your stay should quickly pass,
That I have failed by letting you in.
But perhaps by opening wide the door
And welcoming you as guest,
I find the portal through which to run
And fulfill this birth, this need.
Heather Antonissen, June 2003
You can write to Heather at heather@yogaisyouth.com
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