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Giving & Receiving
With the excitement and busy-ness of the holiday season, it can
be very difficult to maintain a sense of balance. It is a season
prone to extremes--of shopping, of celebrating, of gathering and
reflecting. The hopes and expectations for this time of year--for
hosting families, going to parties, connecting with friends and
attending services--can easily put us into a state of want and
resistance, and therefore, disturb our peace. And though the religious
holidays that are the source of the season provide a wonderful
opportunity to reconnect to spiritual truths and personal reflection,
it can be difficult just making it to yoga class with all of the
activities this time of year.
This is a “high-output” time of year for many
people--we give of our time, we give of our resources, we give
of our energy. Though we may keep with our practice of meditation
and yoga, it can be difficult maintaining the quiet, calm spirit
of p ratyahara where
we are uninfluenced by the fluctuation of ever-changing conditions.
With all of the giving and excitement and hope of this time of
year, we can easily become subject to the ever-changing conditions
surrounding us and find ourselves off-balance. Our “high-output” giving
leaves us feeling depleted and drained.
This is not to say that our generous giving should not occur.
Instead, we can bring our awareness to common pitfalls in giving
and receiving in order to better keep ourselves in a state of pratyahara .
For example, one of the challenges with giving is that our giving
is often given with attachment. While this is not unusual, if we
are not aware of the expectation in our giving, we may find ourselves
disappointed if that expectation is not eventually met. It is common
and normal to have a desire to receive something from an act of
giving: it may the satisfaction of helping others through donating
to a shelter; it may be a sense of security by investing in relationships;
it may be the hope of attention by excelling at work or a talent.
Giving is a wonderful thing and can bring much healing and harmony
in our world; yet if we give with an attachment or expectation,
we may ultimately experience disappointment and pain if that hope
or expectation isn't met.
Allowing ourselves to receive can also be a challenge. Not only
can it be difficult to carve out time for restoration when life
seems to have so many demands, it can be difficult to receive without
feeling some form of responsibility. For some, receiving means
potentially opening oneself up to obligation, for reciprocation
in some form or another. Some may feel receiving can only be allowed
once it has been earned from another. Receiving can also be very
difficult when we are really in need, as this means opening ourselves
to another's mercy or generosity. It can be a challenge for our
ego to admit we are in need, and it can be hard opening ourselves
up when what we really want is to close off and protect.
Whether we are aware or not, we are constantly in the process
of giving and/or receiving, each and every day. It may be in the
form of a holiday gift, in the form of extra work hours, in the
form of a question posed or in a yoga session. We may be one who
is truly able to give and receive in equal portions with no attachments
(or at least with awareness about potential attachments). We may
be one who gives in order to protect oneself from obligation or
dependence. We may be one who has deep needs that demand attention
and so we give in order to receive. All forms of giving and receiving
are valid. Yet if we give with the expectation of receipt, we open
ourselves up to disappointment and disruption of the quiet pratyahara inside,
that place that remains uninfluenced by external circumstances.
When we bring awareness to our acts of giving and receiving, and
note what outcomes we may be desiring, we can better keep ourselves
balanced, especially in very demanding times.
Until we become aware of our motivations and intentions in our
acts of giving and receiving, those unconscious motivations and
intentions will influence all of our relationships, including our
relationship with the universe. They will affect our ability to
allow gifts to flow to and through us, both from our loved ones
and from the universe. If we feel we must earn love, we will always
be giving what we think that person wants in order to receive what
we think love to be. If we don't feel worthy of happiness and joy,
we will always sabotage these great gifts when they present themselves
to us. If we constantly plead and demand to have our hurts removed,
we will never allow ourselves to truly open and experience the
healing power of unconditional love. Yet if we can understand our
motivations in our giving and receiving, we can learn how to heal
those needs and hurts that cause us to attach and ultimately move
deeper into a place of pratyahara .
As you go about this season, with its many customs and traditions,
consider the many acts of giving and receiving that occur throughout
the day and observe any motivations and intentions that may be
involved. Notice if there is a sense of obligation in your generosity.
Notice the joy that arises by the simple act of sharing yourself.
Notice how scary it may be to freely accept a gift. By bringing
a sense of awareness to hopes that may be present in giving, and
by allowing a sense of acceptance in receiving, we may be able
to find a quiet place where we are merely a channel, giving and
receiving at the same time.
You can write to Heather at heather@yogaisyouth.com
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