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The Ideal Straightjacket
Many of us have a certain set of ideals to which we aspire. There
may be the aspiration to stay connected to the breath throughout
the day; some may aim to eliminate all acts and thoughts of violence;
others may strive toward complete honesty and integrity in all
of their daily actions; and still others may try to aid those less
fortunate. Ideals come in all different shapes and sizes to help
guide our actions and give us signposts for our development.
Ideals influence every person--from the sweet and naive, to those
sharp and critical. They give us an optimal view of life and what
it would be like if we could exist at that level. They inspire
us to become better, to be bigger than what we are; yet they can
also bind us to an imagined world that often leaves us disconnected
and dissatisfied with our actual experience.
Ideals are signs, tools pointing us toward ourselves, to the deepest
essence of who we are and how we may express that essence into
the world. Yet when we get caught up in holding onto our ideals
as to how life should operate or as the only standard of conduct,
we not only miss out on much of what we experience everyday, we
often cause a gap, a hole, that leaves us wanting.
An ideal, when stripped of its intention or motivation, is simply
desire, and with desire, is the possibility of suffering. The principle
cause of suffering (samudaya) is the attachment to desire: both
the desire to have (wanting) and the desire not to have (aversion).
It is the grasping of the desire that causes the suffering.
It is not the ideal, it is not the desire itself; it is the attachment
to its fulfillment. Our aspirations may be noble, our intentions
pure, but until we relinquish our grasp of the desire, we will
always be in a state of want, unable to be at peace and fully present
in the current moment.
So how do we let go of our grasp while we move toward our goal?
Just let go. This may sound trite and simplistic, but in reality,
it is the key. Each moment the awareness is awakened that clinging
is occurring, let go: through breath, through grounding, through
choosing another thought. Little moments of letting go actually
move us forward more quickly than anything else. It is then that
the ideal becomes a tool and a guide rather than a straightjacket.
This process of letting go can be reinforced
in many ways--yoga, meditation, awareness to patterns of thoughts
and reactions that are fixed and inflexible. Neale Donald Walsch
in his book “Conversations
with God” suggests dwelling on thoughts that make you expand;
not on those that make you contract. It can be scary letting go
of the security felt from holding onto an ideal, but the freedom
that results is more powerful and filling than any rigid mold serving
as protection.
All of this comes down to just being. It can be hard when social
conditioning and past experiences have trained us to think in certain
ways--about relationships, about careers, about family and social
justice and action. This training can cloud our perceptions of
reality and sometimes the only trigger to alert us that we are
living in an ideal is the pain that results from the gap between
our experience and our unfulfilled desire.
This concept has become very clear to me over
the past few months. I have become aware of even deeper levels
of letting go of the mind’s chatter and moving more into
a state of experience. I have been thinking less and being more.
It is a little challenging since much of my life has been spent
with me thinking about life.
Yet as I move into this next phase of being more in the moment,
I am moving away from thoughts about experiences and just letting
the experiences occur. It takes a lot of practice and patience,
but I can see the benefits already blooming.
With this, I feel that it is also time to let go of these monthly
writings. These articles have been a wonderful experience for me,
and I am honored that they have touched the many of you who have
written to express your thoughts. It has been a difficult choice
to make, yet it feels like the next appropriate step to take. Thank
you for sharing this journey with me.
Albert Camus in his book The Rebel said, “Instead
of killing and dying in order to produce the being that we are
not, we have to live and let live in order to create what we are.” Forcing
anyone or anything, including ourselves, into an “ideal mold” binds
and condemns us from becoming all that we are capable of. By acknowledging
when our ideals bind us, or when they support us, we can move further
into our purest selves, and in turn into a truly ideal world. May
our truest essence always be further revealed….
Namaste
Heather Antonissen, April 2004
You can write to Heather at heather@yogaisyouth.com,
and check out the books which
she finds inspirational.
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